Peeps--Axis of Evil? Or Subliminal Message to Pick Up Chicks?

I realized today that Peeps, that quasi-food monstrosity that multiplies like Tribbles all over the check stands every spring, might actually be more than just an electric pink sin against nature.

Try me, lady. I wish you would. I WISH. YOU. WOULD. 

In general, the traditions behind the mountain of goo that ends up in our Easter basket have very little to do with religion and a lot to do with symbols of spring. Jelly beans were actually sent to soldiers during the Civil War, but it wasn't until sometime in the 1930's, that their egg-like shape linked them to Easter. Eggs?--well, any fowl-connected peasant family would have been well acquainted with the egg as a very real symbol of life and rebirth, not to mention springtime, since chickens don't lay regularly during the winter because of the shortened days. As for rabbits? Well. Some sources say that the hare is a symbol of Eostre, goddess of spring, but my favorite story is one I came across where Eostre found a bird dying of the cold, and to save it, transformed it into a hare with fur for warmth. Except the hare still laid eggs like a bird. Which...then became the Santa Claus of Easter, policing little girls and boys with--what, black jelly beans if they were naughty? Carrot shaped bags of Reese's pieces if they were good? And Peeps...well, you decide whether those are a punishment or a reward. 

Peeps season, though, is more than just "eat fake marshmallow and hope it's stale enough to be palatable"; it coincides with real life actual chick season. While it's true you can get chicks almost year round, it takes from four to six months (sometimes longer, depending on the breed) to start laying; and, again, winter's shortened days often coincide with a decrease in egg production. Chickens also lay the most in their first year, with a marked tapering off after about a year to 18 months when they molt. Blah blah blah if you want a decent number of eggs in the first and only good year you need to get chicks around Eastertime. 

What if you do want chicks in your life, but you still have residual guilt over the drawer full of dead Tamagatchi you let starve to death in the bottom of your backpack?

I'm still here, and sentient, you bastard.

The good news is that real chicks take even less work than a Tamagatchi and are so stinking cute you'll want to go look at them every day, which should remind you to feed, water, and otherwise take care of them. They also, rather than just beeping or faintly vibrating, actually peep to remind you to not let them starve to death. Really, skill level: Parakeet.

Here's what you need:

-25 lb bag of chick feed for every two chicks. Lucky you, most feed stores give away two chicks for every 25 lb bag at this time of year! The cost of the chicks themselves is the least of your worries. You literally could not buy a stuffed animal version of these chicks for any less than the chicks themselves. Most feed stores only sell the most reliable egg layers because that's what urban farmers want them for, so you can really go wrong but you're looking for: Americauna (sometimes called Easter Eggers, since they lay blue green eggs); Rhode Island Reds (super prolific medium egg layers); Australorp or Orpington (great layers of large eggs); Barred Rock, Wyandotte, Welsummer. Marans aren't the most prolific (mine was the last to start laying and gives four a week) but Maran eggs are considered a delicacy among some French chefs, who will cook with nothing else. 

-Waterer. Yep. It can be a dish. They will knock it over all the time though and kick litter and poop in it. Best is a tall quart jar waterer with a little trough around it made for chicks. Plastic is cheap and durable enough if you only plan to have one batch of chicks. Galvanized steel for an extra five bucks is an investment for future broods. Be warned: even if the chicks were already drinking from the exact same waterer they are sometimes so silly you will have to show them how to drink. Dunk their little beaks in the water until you see them chirrup up a few drops. You'll need to change this and wash it out every day, and check it twice a day since chicks love to kick litter into their water source. 

-Feeder. Same thing. A dish, a plastic feeder with several little stations, or a galvanized steel one 

for durability. Fill it when it's empty. 

-Pine shavings to use as litter. It's sometimes listed as hamster bedding, but the feed store should have it in big cheap bags. Put down a handful every week on top of the first initial layer. Pull out any that gets wet from the water source and throw into the garden. If it stinks, add more. Change completely when chicks are old enough to go outside (five weeks). 

-Heat lamp with a red Pyrex bulb for the first five weeks. Depending on your climate and when you get the chicks you may only need the heat lamp for four weeks. A good rule of thumb is if the chicks 

huddle under the lamp, they're too cold and you should lower it closer to them; if they consistently 

hang out at the opposite end of the brooder, they it's too warm and either raise it or turn it off if 

they're getting close to a month old. 

-Brooder. There's a ton of expensive options but really if you have a spare bathroom, a bathtub is perfect. Put in the drain stopper and put down a layer of shavings. Make sure you keep the toilet seat down, as little guys are ingenious about jumping up on top of the waterer or feeder and out of the tub. 

-Large tall box of some kind (cardboard is fine) for the four or five week old chicks to live in once the bathtub becomes easily escapable. If you have a coop already (and it's warm enough outside) they will be ready to move outside no earlier than five weeks; if you don't have a coop you'll be thinking of where they are ultimately going to live! A little unused playhouse can work, a shed, etc as long as the chickens can be locked in at night and safe from clever predators with finger-like hands (I'm looking at you, raccoons). You can find decent deals on Craigslist or Costco but be prepared to pay in the $500 range; you can build something yourself for that much or cheaper that suits your specific needs if you're handy.

I couldn't find any history on when the tradition of putting live chicks and ducklings in Easter baskets began, though stories I've heard come from my mom's generation when they were children. During the Depression regular households would have added chickens to help sustain the family, so it makes sense that parents might have added spring chicks that would ultimately be added to the family flock to Easter baskets.

The tradition endures in several places around the country--Pinterest crazed mommies drew attention from PETA when live chicks dyed in bright colors started showing up in Easter baskets in 2012. At the feed store where I got my chicks, there's a big sign warning the casual Easter chick-buyer that baby chicks are live animals and not recommended as toys for children--whether it actually happens anymore or it's an urban myth like the razor blades in the Halloween candy, it's hard to say. But I realized on Sunday how lucky I was to have chicks this year, and how a little package of yellow Peeps in my Easter basket next year just might remind me of stroking the fuzzy tummies of the little fluffy yellow live versions.