BACK AWAY. FROM MY CHERRIES.

Dear Grocery Clerks of the world,

You don't need to check me and my cherry habit. I realize I have an unreasonable amount of cherries on the conveyor right now. Yes. I am actually going to eat nothing but cherries for dinner. I. LOVE. CHERRIES. I love them. Okay? And sadly for me they have a two month season. Not a two month season like strawberries where you can get them all year but they're really best at a certain time? Two months, period, and they're gone. Ten months of no cherries. So the answer to your flip query, "got enough cherries there?" Is NO. NO, I DO NOT. "Do you know how much those cost?!" Yes. Yes I do. Same as a big carton of cigarettes you just sold that truly unhealthy looking sofa cowboy. Why you no stop him and say "hold on, I'm sure you don't want this much at THAT price. Want me to put one back?" Put one back?! I will beat you with my keys if you try to put my cherries back, and I'm a public school teacher. I have a lot of keys. These cherries are my happy hour except instead of ruining my liver they brighten my complexion. You want to know why they're $10 a pound at the height of the season? Because they're rad. No one would ever dip summer sweet Bing cherries in chocolate or use them as a garnish or bake them into a pie or make jelly with them because that would be stupid. You don't add anything to these perfect morsels of perfection, you eat them, NOW, until you make yourself sick. 

Feeling empowered to go buy cherries? Go now, NOW, the season is ending! Run, girl!

I wish my name was Cherry. Then maybe people would stop hassling me when I eat cherries or asking me to share my cherries. DO I LOOK LIKE YOUR MAMA, I AM NOT HERE TO SHARE CHERRIES WITH YOU MOOCHERS.
Okay? I want the cherries. Thank you for your interest in my life, you all, and I appreciate your concern. Now piss off. 
Namaste.

Turn, walk away, eat cherries. Repeat.